Can I ever get back on track??

I keep on messing up. I know what I need to do, I know what I need to eat, but I just keep telling myself I can't. This is HORRIBLE! I feel that I am a strong willed person most of the time, but lately, when it has came to food I have been so weak. I am about to go to Fort Knox in 5 days for the entire summer. I want to be strong out there all by my lonesome. I want to be strong now!

I have no excuse anymore. I finished up my last root canal this morning. I have no reason not to eat healthy. I did become bored with the plan I was on so I have decided that I am going to eat healthy, but some of those vegetables they said I can't have I may have once in a while. Half of the vegetables on the list I didn't like so in order to continue on with this journey I have to do what works for me.

It is time....AGAIN (I know) to get back on the pony. I really, really, REALLY want to reach my goal weight...I need some motivation. Do you have any for me??

Why do I do this??

It has been a while since I have written and maybe it has a little to do with the fact that I have NOT been dieting and that is a little embarassing for me. The past few weeks I have been to Greensboro, to Greensboro again, to DC, then had to undergo 2 root canals in which the first one didn't go over to well with my mouth. These may just be excuses, okay so they are, but I have fallen off the wagon. While traveling it is hard to eat healthy when fast food is within an arms reach everywhere you go and when you are on the move constantly it is hard to sit down and search for a place that will serve me protein and veggies.

I told myself after each trip that I was going to get back in the game, but I never did. I let chocolate and honeybuns talk to me a little more than I should have. Everyday I said, "Okay, I will start back tomorrow." Tomorrow hasn't came yet. I haven't been to the gym much, which is very important in this diet, well in any diet. I feel horrible and stupid and even though I have checked the scale I look in the mirror and see all that weight I have lost so far back on me. That is kind of, in a wierd way, a good thing. I know where I was and I know that I was not happy in that body. I know how happy I have been since I started the diet and how it felt to look in the mirror and see myself shrink...and to put on a pair of pants and laugh because of the fact that I had to hold them up all day. I know in order to stay happyn with myself I have to jump back on. Only I can make this happen. I control what goes in my body, not anyone else. It is important to me to be healthy, to lose weight....to be a role model for others. It is very important.

So.....

I went to the grocery store today. I picked out my protein and I have decided that if I want to make this happen I have to do something about it. I have gone (since the beginning, last year) from 185 to 155 and I am not to my goal weight. My goal for myself is 135 and the doc says 120. I want to get to 135 and see how I feel with myself then. If I feel I am not done then I will keep going, but I have to keep going. I can't let the sweets or any other temptation or travel arrangement get in my way. In 12 days I will be heading to Fort Knox, KY for my job and this is another excuse I have used for myself. I will be living in a hotel for 70some days. I have thought and thought...how in the world am I going to eat healthy out of a hotel with just a microwave to cook with??...I know I can. My brother and sister-n-law gave me a crockpot so I know I can cook healthy with that. I know there is a gym there...it is an army base for crying out loud...so I can still exercise. I have no excuses...I can and WILL continue on this journey to get where I want to be, to become happy with myself and my body. I can't wait to come back after my summer in Kentucky and see everyone's faces when I am in my lean body, wearing a size 7 or maybe smaller...

I am so excited to be who I have always wanted to be...without changing who I am on the inside.

So, tomorrow...that day will come tomorrow.

God Is GOOD!

This weekend was the best weekend a girl could ask for.

For a long time now I feel like I haven't taken time out for myself. I am always doing something and it always involves other people lives. I dogsit, babysit, clean, go here, go there, work...but each day is routine for me; never anything new. Don't get me wrong, I love helping people and I love my job, but I needed a vacation. I finally got one (at least that is what I called it).

My family and I got together this weekend to do something great. We walked 3.5 miles for the March of Dimes March for Babies walk in Greensboro, NC for my niece Tessa Nicole and all the other premies out there who need assistance.

Friday afternoon Michelle and I got on the road. The first address in the garmen was Four Seasons Mall in Greensboro, NC. We had a slight tough time getting there with the criss cross directions and the geese flying into my car and the huge piece of something in the road that I ran over which then shoved itself into the bumper of the person behind me...but we got there. We explored the mall mainly focusing on the stores we did not have at home and it was great. Lots of sales, good buys including the blizzards from Dairy Queen in the food court (Yeah, no diet this past weekend). After a great time shopping we punched in my brother's address and headed on over. We pulled up to his beautiful house and see Ashley peeking out from inside my sister-in-laws mustang...her and another little boy were playing hide and seek. We were welcomed with hugs and introductions to the people we did not know. That evening we had a cook out to include hamburgers, hot dogs, sweet potato fries, salad, corn, chips...ummm...I think that was all. Everyone mingled and had a great time. That night the ladies sat up till 1am making the Team Tessa t-shirts for the next days walk. We had a blast.

Saturday morning came and everyone was ready to go. We got up, ate breakfast and ventured out. The day was beautiful. God really blessed us with wonderful weather, wonderful company, and smiles all over. I was proud to turn in my $284 dollars I raised and receive my March of Dimes t-shirt (seperate from the ones we made). Our team won the t-shirt contest, my brother and sister-in-law spoke on stage and made everyone cry and then it was time to start. My brother and sister-in-law had smiles on their faces that could have stretched a mile when they looked back and saw everyone participating for something so great and meaningful to them. It was really wonderful. We all completed the walk and had a great time with the music and food and events going on at the park.

That evening, after everyone finished lounging around, we all headed out to a Japanease Steak house..this was a first for me and it was so MUCH FUN!! Sunday morning came too quick and we all had breakfast then had to pack up and head home.

God is sooooo Good. This weekend was amazing. I may not have went sight seeing or splashed around in a water park, but being with the people I love and doing something so great was more than a vacation to me. God Blessed us all this weekend. I really couldn't ask for anything more.

Now, I did weigh in Thursday before leaving and lost 1.4 lbs in the previous 2 weeks. I was a little upset but I know I have been toning muscle so I just let it slide...I am sure I gained that 1.4 back over the weekend...here is why-

Friday afternoon:
Wendy's Single with fries and a diet coke.
King Size Snickers with almonds and a cake

Friday Dinner:
Hamburger, sweet potato fries, salad, corn, chips, and 3 chocolate chip cookies

Saturday Morning:
Honey Nut Cheerios and a muffin, coffee with cream and sugar
Then we got to the park to smell FREE doughnuts, so I halfed one with my niece

Saturday Afternoon:
1 piece of pizza and a bag of trail mix (small bag)

During the day:
Hamburger

Saturday Night:
WOW! Everything from Kabuto
Soup, salad, shrimp, veggies, rice, more shrimp, chicken, fried banannas...I really have no idea how many diet cokes (I kept using the WONDERFUL hot sauce)

Sunday morning:
Eggs, bacon, 2 biscuits with jelly, cereal with almonds, coffee with cream and sugar, a muffin.

Sunday afternoon:
We stopped at a store on the way back to eat our leftover Japanease and also picked up a king size snickers with almonds, a honey bun, and a pack of starburst...diet coke....on down the road Dairy Queen sparked in our heads...I got a blue rasberry slush.

Sunday evening:
Nancy packed us some barbque she had made, put that on a bun and ate it...pretzal m and m's, then my brother convinced me to order a strawberry bananna milkshake..

Needless to say at about 2 this morning I felt like I was going to vomit. I ate enough this weekend to feed an army...When I cheated, boy I really cheated. Today I am eating nothing but PROTEIN. I feel like I gained 10 lbs, but I can't step on the scale. I know what I have to do. Me and the gym are going to become even closer this week and back to the diet it is...until I lose this weight....hopefully.

Time is WAY past due!!

So many exciting things are happening in the next few days..To start, TODAY IS WEIGH IN DAY!!!!! I am so SUPER excited to see how well, or maybe not so well I have done. I am pretty sure there is going to be a loss no matter what; I'm just not sure how much. No matter what I know in the past 2 weeks I have worked my butt off in the gym and I have done pretty good eating wise and when I did have the Olive Garden I knew what I had to do and I did it. I am thinking that if the weight loss is not so much then I have probably developed some muscle...You should see my guns!!!! haha!

After weighing in I have a busy evening; I just hope I can get it all in. I may get my nails done..I REALLY want to hit the gym again...I need to pack...I need to tan...I need to cook...I need to shower...I need to get gas in my car (Okay, so that takes like a second, but I still have to do it.)...I need to straighten up my apartment..double check my packing to make sure I haven't forgotten anything...clean up the dishes..then I may get some sleep..I think that is all I need to do...BEFORE GETTING UP AND HEADING TO GREENSBORO, NC!!! I am SOOOOOO excited. Michelle and I are going to head out in the a.m. and hit up Four Season's Mall to start off. Who knows what the evening entails. Saturday is the March for Dimes March for Babies walk and I am super excited about this as well. I am proud of myself. I counted up this morning and I have raised close to $250 for this cause. It is going to be great to be with friends and family walking for something that can help people. This year we are walking for my neice, as some of you may know, who was born at 24 weeks weighing 1lb, 9oz(I think that is the oz) and only survived 117 days. She touched so many people lives during her time before going to be with the Lord. She made a difference. Since then my brother and his wife have done so many things within their community to help where they could. They have been chosen as the Ambassador Family so them and the rest of our family and friends are leading the walk Saturday. This is such an honor and a blessing. There is still time to donate if you would like...Just ask me how.

After the walk I am sure my brother has something planned to do...he alwasy does I have heard. I am just excited to get away, to do something good, and to spend time with the people I love. I am really blessed!!!

PS...when I get the weigh results (if I find time) I will update. God Bless!!!

Not a lot to say...

I don't really have a lot to say today except that I am happy, which is a good thing. I appreciate everything God has given me and even though sometimes life doesn't make sense I know God is just doing His work. I am so proud of my friend Michelle who lost 6.2lbs this week..WAY TO GOO!!! I am so super excited about my weigh in on Thursday. I have a feeling it will be another good one...then Friday morning, me, my brother, and Michelle are off to Greensboro...This will be kind of like a mini-vacation that God knows I need. The March for Babies walk is Saturday. So much to look forward to this week and I am soooo blessed to be me (my head is not swollen, I am just thankful of what God has done for me).

God Bless everyone!!!

P.S. My pants are still falling down...this is getting annoying..but I am happy I am dropping the lbs!!!!

I have been slacking...

I have been slacking, not on exercising, but on posting. Well, also maybe a little on the eating..just Friday. We had a going away lunch at my favorite restaurant, Olive Garden for one of my fav's, CPT Rockshead (that is me and him in the pic above...he will be missed), and I ate what I wanted. I still went to the gym and did lots of arm and core exercises (was sore the next day) and I did have ice cream with oreo's in it that night...Yummm!! I knew the next day was going to be a protein day and I was fine with that. I just kept myself busy so I didn't even think about the fruits and veggies. I went to the gym AGAIN and worked on legs, core, and did cardio (sore again). Yesterday I was still not in ketosis, but I know I had been doing everything right so I ate only protein until about 4pm when I had an apple (after the gym AGAIN). And I still was not in ketosis today, but I know I am eating right and exercising my butt off so I am going to continue with my normal fruits and veggies and just ask about it at my weigh in on Thursday. I can tell I am getting smaller...my pants don't want to stay up and that definition in my stomach is starting to show through (WOOOHOOOOO!!!!) I am going to keep up the good work and stay on this thing like white on rice!

People are noticing my weight loss, even trainers in the gym...they mention it and show me things to help out with what I want to work on most...it is great! This whole diet/exercise thing has been a great inspiration to me because now I want to learn how to become a physical trainer...once I get to where I need to be that is. I love the transformation in myself and to be able to tell people how to work a certain muscle or maybe what they are doing wrong...to be able to "fix" things is wonderful! I am actually going to help my lil sis today. We are going to go for a brisk walk and along the way I plan on talking to her about her eating habits and try to help her out..

There is a part of me that is a little scared...I was just tasked to go to Fort Knox this summer from 23 May to 8 August. I know I am going to continue to exercise and eat right (with what I can from a hotel microwave), but it is just going to be me encouraging me out there. I know I can do it, but without the docs and the medicine they have been giving me I am worried what will happen...I refuse to gain my weight back, but is it going to be harder?? We will soon see....Well, I feel like I am rambling so I think I am done...Until next time I am going to be like the energizer bunny!!!!

The Creep is holding me back..

So, I go to the gym to do my "thang", but I can't do every"thang" I want because there is this old man creep that CREEPS me out! He is handicapped due to a motorcycle accident (I heard all about) and he like to talk to me. I was on the treadmill and he asked me out to dinner (he's married), told me how sexy I was, how he loved natural red heads, invited me to a wine party, told me how sexy I was (with moans and groans), wanted to buy me lotion (GROSS)...and so on and so forth...
Now when I go to the gym I try to avoid him. I know this is horrible, but because of his handicap he can't move very fast so I scurry away from him when I see him. The last couple of days I have been going in the rooms he is not in so I can get my workout in, well, I NEED THE WEIGHT ROOM and he will not get out of there! I am trying to avoid being rude to him and possibly causing a scene (because that would be embarassing), but I NEED TO DO SQUATS, AND ARM WEIGHTS, AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS I DO IN THERE! In the meantime I have been doing my cardio, which has been interrupted due to the magazine falling off on the tread part as I was running...I just got off at that point. And I have been doing ab and inner thigh exercises in the assisted weight room. Yesterday I did this new thing I have been seeing everyone do..I wanted to see what it was. You hold a weight (I did 10lbs) in one hand and lean to that same side multiple times...OUCH!!! This is definitely good for you...it will get rid of your love handles and it helps your abs, but boy am I sore from that. When you are doing it you think, "This can't be doing anything." IT DOES! Believe me!!

So the creep has held me back, the magazine pushed me off...Literally..and I haven't been feeling it as much this week. I don't feel as energized as I have been, but I have pushed myself to go to the gym in the evenings and it feels good once I am done. I just wish that creep would choose another time!

I am hanging in there. My motivation still exists; I just have to pull it out a little more...maybe I can crop myself into a bikini babe and work on ACTUALLY getting there...hmmm. It's an idea. I weigh in next week and I EXPECT good results from myself. It is all up to me, what I do, and how I handle my day to day activities and intake. I'M READY TO WAKE UP!!!!!!!!