Sunday, February 20, 2011

Is it whats on the inside that counts??

What if the inside is deceiving? What if you are unsure and think maybe the inside is just a mirror image of the parts revealed? What if you don't know how or what the inside is capable of and you think, at times, it is so great then something happens that just stabs?...because you were relying on the inside?

I am so confused in my life and sometimes I really don't know which direction to turn. Once minute I am so positive and happy and enjoying every minute of life then something happens that changes everything. You know, I look to God for answers in my life and I ask Him to let me be myself and He does, so I am thankful. So, why do I question my ability to love...to let go..to stop worrying about what could happen? Why do I do some of the things I do that could potentially mess up a relationship if one was to form? I am not talking about cheating or anything...just some things I say that later I realize I didn't mean to say...maybe it came out wrong...why do I investigate? Yes, I do investigate. I am so scared that if I get my whole self to someone it will get ripped into shreads...SO SCARED! I cry at times because I feel lonely and I think, "WOW! I have SOOOO much love to give someone...SOOO much. I want to share...then when that time comes I want to run. I don't know what to do, say, how to act...I am lost right now. I really wish I had my dad to talk to right now...I miss him and his great advice in everything.

Now, I know that the next step is to pray for guidance in my life. I do this often, but maybe I have just misunderstood what God was telling me.

Praying often, praying always.