I smile because I'm happy....

2 CORINTHIANS 12:9-10 BUT HE SAID TO ME, "MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS."...FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG. Lately, life has been throwing some curve balls, but God keeps catching them for me so I don't get hit in the face! Since I have been in Kentucky I have let loose a bit on the eating. I had to catch myself and start asking the same questions I had to ask myself when I started this journey to a healthy lifestyle. I can't let "life" mess up "my life". I want to be as healthy as I can be to prevent big doctor bills! Recently I met someone who has really been helping me out with my health and I am so thankful! He is helping me realize the good from the bad, giving me substitutions, and encouraging me to keep going. I don't think this was the plan for our meeting, but I am ok with that. I am sure I am annoying people with my healthy facebook post and my comments about clogged arteries at work, but this actually helps me. Maybe I should just shut up...haha. I want to be clean on the inside and out. I want to make the right choices and, if I can, help others as well. I am anxious to learn and grow as my healthy lifestyle continues and one day...hopefully soon, I want to go back to school and learn about nutrition from beginning to end! Too many people get sick or die from things that could have been prevented early on in life. I know only God knows when we will leave this world, but God also gives us the knowledge to make the right choices (2 Corinthians 7:1 Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness our of reverence for God), not just by going to church and telling others you love them, but by treating your body right. We should not overindulge in anything (Proverbs 23: 20-21 Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.) I started losing weight and telling myself I can do this and it can be successful because of God. In all the diets I had tried before I never included Him or asked for His help. God saw I was struggling and He proved to me He was there. Some may think, "Oh God doesn't care about weight loss!", but my God does because it was something that was hurting His child. Once I added God into the equation I began to see the beauty within myself. I began to take a spiritual journey that I never want to let go of. He has helped me overcome many emotions and He has kicked out those demons in my closet (because they were haunting me!). Before, I was not trying to lose weight for me. I was trying to lose weight to find a man to love me because no one likes a fat girl! Or, I thought all financial issues would magically disappear somehow if I was skinny...WHAT?!?! I was connecting everything in life to a world of skinny for some reason, but I wasn't connecting God. He is there at all times, in all situations if you let Him reside. With His guidance and with the strength He gives me I can't give up. When I step off He will remind me to go back to that place I was earlier in the year...that place that contained Him, that place where my happiness started to begin and then.....I say THANK YOU and I smile. :-)

PSALM 84:1-2 HOW LOVELY IS YOUR DWELLING PLACE, O LORD ALMIGHTY! MY SOUL YEARNS, EVEN FAINTS, FOR THE COURTS OF THE LORD; MY HEART AND MY FLESH CRY OUT FOR THE LIVING GOD.

THE 20LB GOAL HAIRCUT BEFORE AND AFTER

ON TO THE 3RD GOAL!

Well, I did it! I made it past my 2nd 10lb loss! I am so proud of myself and I was so happy to get that goal haircut! Not only has the weight loss made me feel better, but the haircut is also a confidence booster.

This week I have not been able to exercise like normal because of the busy work life, but I have still been doing good on my eating. I hope to get back in the gym soon. I have another hair appointment before I leave to work at Fort Knox for the summer and I am so excited to see what I will weigh by then...the appointment is on the 19th of May...I am 163 now, that is about a month and a half away...I am averging about 1-2lbs per week...I have about 7 weeks so I could lose up to 14lbs or more by then which would put me at 149lbs!! Oh my, I don't even know the last time I was at that weight! I am going to set the goal to 144 which is 19 more lbs to lose by then...I have some work to do, but 20 more lbs gone sounds so good!!! After that I will only have 14 more lbs to go before reaching my goal weight!!! I can't believe I started at 54 and the thought of having to lose 54lbs was not a good one, but with God by my side I am getting there...As of now my number is 33....these accomplishments make me feel so blessed and proud!!

Almost to my second goal!!!

I am so excited and so extremely grateful for the strength God has given me on this weight loss journey. I started with 54 pounds to lose and, yes, that seemed so dreadful until the pounds started falling off. I am now at 15 lbs down, passing up that first 10 lb goal and 5 away from the 2nd!! It is almost time for my new haircut!!! (Please see picture; that is what I am getting.)

In the past month and a half..or near there..since I started this journey and since I have been so motivated I have wanted to learn more so I am able to share and help people. I want to know more about fitness, health, proper nutrition...anything and everything!!! I want to go back to school for all of this, but right now I don't have the time. In the meantime I plan on taking advice on books to read, videos to watch, listening to people who know about all of this..who have been there, done that...I want to be smart on this. I know I have not done some things correctly...I know that my eating habits, although I only consume 1200 or less calories a day, are not correct. I know when I went to the gym and just went at it like I was a pro and pulled that muscle that I did something wrong...I want to know how to fix all of that. If you have any suggestions feel free to post them. I am game for anything. Until then I will continue with my cardio and counting my calories and doing my best on what I think is healthy. God Bless!!!

I'm proud of myself...

I am happy with the way things are going. It would be nice if there was a magic button to push and make all the weight go away, but since there isn't I will just have to keep on keeping on! I am at a 13lb weight loss right now. Only 7 more to go until I get that haircut I have been wanting for soooooo long!!! I know I will be there soon and 20 lbs down?!?! That is awesome...these small goals have helped lots. I am not focusing on that "long term, this is going to take forever, oh my gosh I still have 41 more lbs to lose"...so, I am proud of how far I have gotten in a little over a month. The end picture is going to be great, but seeing the picture AS IT IS NOW, the progress I have made...well, that is really helping me keep my head up!

I am happy with what I eat, happy with how I exercise, happy with the way my clothes are looking on me now, and happy that I have not given up. I may have a little junk food every now and again, but I know my limit and I know what happens if I keep on eating that junk food. I don't want to go back to that miserable life again. I want to continue to be happy and I WILL! God is so good. He has really been guiding me through this process and I will NEVER let go of His hand!!!

He is SO good to me!

Blessings are everywhere... just look around!

Oh my...it hurts!

I ask God to give me strength to get through my workouts and He does! I wanted to increase the incline on the treadmill, but I kept telling myself how much it would hurt and I just couldn't do it. Well, the past couple days I ask God to just push me..to let me do what I am capable of...to not let me tell myself that I can't and then I thought of one of my favorite Bible verses....Phil 4:13-I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I have been strengthened! Today I increased my incline to 7.0!!! I was sweating and holding on to the handles of the treadmill at times but I didn't stop until my hour was up! It hurt but felt so good...so good because I took that strength God gave me and I conquered!  Even though my body now feels like I am a body builder it feels good! Feels great actually!  Thank you Lord for my strength, motivation and perseverance! There is nothing I can't do as long as You are by my side!

The "Skinny" on being skinny...

Since I have started this journey towards skinniness I have had many questions on what things are like when you are skinny...cause I have never experienced that.

First...and the most pondered question....Do high heels hurt your feet when you are skinny? I know, as a bigger girl, my feet feel like they swell up, get smashed with a hammer, and my toes turn into little balls from being scrunched up in the front of the heel for so long! I like wearing heels because they make my under 5' self feel taller, but they hurt too bad! I can't wear them for long periods of time without having to free my poor, battled feet!

My next question has intrigued me for quite some time because when I go check out sale racks at the mall it seems only the smaller cloths are left so....Do you get lots of deals on clothing and shoes? I mean, that will be great when I get skinny, but until then us big girls need sales too! Or, do skinny girls not shop the sale racks??

These next few are for the big girls who became skinny.

Can you cross your legs easier now? I have a hard time trying to sit lady like because my legs are too big to cross so, does this change?

Are you more sensitive to pain now...I mean, if you fall does it hurt more than before you lost all your weight? Reason asking is because I plan on losing most of my padding.

Are airplane seats more comfortable? I don't fly much, but when I did I was so uncomfortable because my body took up most of the seat...no room for moving around at all!

Is it easier to run? This kind of goes back to the hurt feet thing. I have a hard time running because I just feel like all of my weight is on my feet...well, it kind of is...Ok..it definitely is..and my legs hurt too soon! So it is easier to run? Do you feel free?

I know these things sound crazy, but I want to know what I am in for when I become a skinny girl. Got anymore skinny on the skinny? Let me know cause eventually I will ask anyway. Smile and Have a blessed day!

I HAVE A TESTIMONY

A few months ago I was so discouraged as my clothes kept getting tighter and tighter. I could not figure out what was going on. I had doctor’s appointment after doctors appointment and everything kept coming back normal. Soon I began to develop dizziness with the weight gain, then headaches, fatigue, then severe body aches. I was scared of what my body was doing, but yet none of the doctors could seem to help me. I was afraid I would keep getting bigger and bigger and that my body would continue to fail me. I hated going to my closet. I did not feel comfortable in my own skin and I cried about it often. I wanted to change the way I was eating, which really was not that bad except when candybars and cakes called my name, but I felt "What's the use? Nothing seems to help me." It wasn't long after that when I really started to get closer to God and then the church talked about fasting and I was definitely not going to miss out on this because I wanted to be as close to God as I could get.

Yesterday was the official FINAL day of my 21 day fast. I cut out those convenience store snacks and soda that I seemed to turn to in times of my sad and fat life. In the beginning I was worried this would be hard, but God gave me strength and I didn't have any problems staying away. I grew closer to God and started focusing on diet and exercise during this time. In 2 weeks (this is when I started the diet) I have lost 7lbs and I am so happy. I have also started reading "MADE TO CRAVE" by Lysa TerKeurst and this book really opens your eyes on the way you eat. God does care about your health and happiness within yourself. The book talks about how God can help you with your cravings...How to satisfy your cravings with God instead of food. I like to read it while on the treadmill. She incorporates the Bible in with her book/study. I have never felt so empowered and confident that I WILL reach my goal weight. I have tried many diets, but none with God. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to be happy. He has wanted me to see what I am seeing within myself now and I am so thankful I have finally opened my eyes.

Last night in church there were testimonies. Great testimonies! A lady who had cancer has been healed. Another lady spoke of someone in her family who had cancer and lost her vision and she has been healed. Listening to this made me think..."I have a testimony too!" The past few months, as I mentioned before have been rough. I have been in pain both emotionally and physically and since I saw the light of God shine though me I have not had the bad headaches like before, I have not been dizzy in a while, I can workout and clean my house and my body does not hurt me like it did before. I can eat and LOSE weight now, I can have the will power I never even grasped onto before. I CAN BE HAPPY! AND I AM! God is so amazing and I am so thankful to be a child of God!

"He's my rock, He's my shield. He's my wheel, in the middle of the wheel. I know He will never, no never let me down. He lifts me up and plants my feet on solid ground!" (From a song in church)

It IS Friday!

I am so happy it is Friday even though I really won't be doing any winding down over the weekend. With my grandma being sick, trying to fit in exercise, work, eat healthy...well, I am drained. Wednesday I wasn't able to get a workout in, but spending time with my grandma was worth skipping the workout for. Yesterday by the time I got home holding my eyes open was a workout enough for me! I really do enjoy the feeling I get after I finish a gym session, but sometimes life just won't allow that time. That is ok though. I have continued to watch what I eat this week while staying around my calorie goal and never going over. I still know I have done well and I am proud of myself especially when everyone around me was eating a fresh apple cake that was homemade and still warm the other day...sheesh! That was hard! I do plan on going to the gym today and I pray God gives me the strength to make it there. He continues to push me everyday and I am so thankful!

If only I had God with me before...I may have hit my goal already, but now is better than never! Jeanie, I can't wait for that FREE haircut! :-)

You need to reward yourself...but not with food!

I think it is important to reward yourself for a job well done so I have made a list of things I plan to do in order to reward myself with my weight loss.

10lbs (174): Buy a new shirt to go with all those pants you put away that now fit!

20lbs (164): Time for a haircut with Jeanie!

30lbs (154): New underclothes!

40lbs (144): PEDICURE, those feet are tired from all that exercise!!!

54lbs (130): GOAL-BUY A NEW OUTFIT AND GO HAVE PICTURES MADE! YOU MADE IT!!!!!

Sunday is always good...

I always enjoy Sunday's but today was extra special. I was able to spend time with my grandma and see her smile. She has been doing so great lately health wise but she knows God is taking care of her. My sister and I prayed with her today and I held her hand for a while. She is such a Godly woman and has been a great inspiration to many. I pray that God lets me follow her footsteps. I am so blessed to have her in my life.

God bless and never forget God is great!

I'm on The God Diet

Today I have felt like the devil is trying to attack me. I have been in a low mood and I just could not get out of it. I have been so great during my fast and also since I started my diet again, but the thing is see, I have been doing this for and with God. I pray for strength and guidance and I have become closer to God. I love it! I have told the devil to get out of my way so many times and today he tried to make me mad! I will say for a while it worked because I was not in the best of moods, but then I started talking to my mom and sister about it. They agreed it was the devil so I told him to LEAVE ME ALONE!

Then....God stepped in. He opened me back up and put me back on track.

Today was wonderful besides my mood. I was able to visit with both my grandma's and some more of my family. Memories were created that I will never forget. Love was felt. It was wonderful.

I pray to God. I pray many times during the day and since letting God in my life completely, not just part of the time but ALL THE TIME things have changed including the will power I have now with eating.

Crystal and I were sitting eating dinner and we were talking about all of those diets I have tried that never worked.  She said"But you didn't have God with you then. You are on the God Diet!" I like that and this God diet is going to continue to change my life! He will always provide us with everything we need including a full tummy! He will never leave us not satisfied.

Joel 2:26
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you;  never again will my people be ashamed.

This verse was in my Bible study for fasting today and it really means a lot to me. God knows my heart and He is there to fulfill it. He will continue to give me strength on this weight loss journey and give me the happiness in my heart that I have been searching for. I have been telling people lately about how God is helping me and it feels so good to share that so "The God Diet" is the perfect name! I KNOW this diet will be a success so anyone need a change in their life? This diet will not only change you physically but spiritually also.

THE GOD DIET....thank you God for holding my hand!

54 is MY number...

What? 54?? Huh??? Well, that is MY number TODAY...that number will go down within the coming weeks, but right now it is 54. That is how many pounds I need to lose to get to a healthy weight...my goal weight.

This number may seem big to some, but I'm not afraid of it. I am ready. I am so motivated and, for once, nothing seems to be getting in my way. This is an amazing feeling...a feeling I have never had before. I started a fast on the 9th of January to become closer to God. I cut out sweets, more like convenience store sweets, and soda. I have had a want here and there, but not really a craving for either of these. I remember the day before I started I went to the store coming home with a Diet Root Beer, a candybar and I think even a cake! I was NOT looking forward to taking these things out of my daily routine. Since the 9th I have prayed for strength, read the Bible and I have NOT touched a single sweet or drank a soda at all. I am so happy that God is giving me the strength and I feel closer to Him than ever.

When I started my fast and saw how easy God was getting me through I decided it was time to get back on track again and pray for strength for this journey also. I am doing great! It is, in a sense, hard to believe how motivated I am, but God will never steer you wrong!

I weighed in Wednesday at a whopping 184 lbs and I want to reach 130. I was a bit discouraged when I stepped on the scale knowing that before summer I was at 169, but things happen and there is nothing you can do but look forward. I know 54 seems so long away, but in order to get there I have to make small goals and I am starting with 5lbs and go from there. I plan to continue to exercise at my pace--I don't want to kill myself, and eat what I want, just smaller portions (and I am counting my calories). This will work this time!

It is hard to live life in a body that even yourself can't accept, but in order to fix that problem a change has to be made and no one can do that for you. There are many things I want to change about my appearance...I like who I am on the inside, but what I see in the mirror does not make me happy.

I am tired of feeling the need to cover my stomach with a jacket, pillow, blanket...whatever is near me, when I sit down!

I am tired of putting clothes away in storage because "I just know I will fit back into them someday!"

I am tired of feeling miserable after a meal or feeling guilty when I overindulge!

I am tired of looking at every area of fat on my body every single day before I get in the shower, when I change clothes, when I sit a certain way, when I am next to someone smaller than me!

I am tired of getting angry at my closet!

I am tired of the tears that fall on the days I just feel "ugly".

I am tired of jeans and t-shirts! I want to wear nice clothes and feel pretty..

I am tired of low self-esteem!

I am tired of being tired...both physically and mentally.

I want this change...I want it more than I have ever wanted it before and I know some days will be harder than others, but I also know MY GOD will pull me through those days. I CAN DO THIS! I have no doubt in my mind. It is time to stop putting this off...I am ready to change my number to 0!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13

TOO MUCH WATER???

Set 1 of squats with weights turning at the waist switching sides each time I squat....complete...set 2....complete....set 3....OUCH! OH MY GOSH! I CAN'T WALK!! WHAT THE WORLD???

See, I got to the gym around 6pm and had already had 9 cups of water, working on another one and some coffee so you know what that means...yes, the bathroom and I were pretty close yesterday. It seemed like everytime I sat down I had to go again.

I was so excited to work out! I wanted to get about 45-60 minutes of cardio in, but that was cut short because after about 25 minutes my bladder could not hold it anymore so to the bathroom I go again after just going before I got on the treadmill...and about 4 times at my house after I got home from work at about 5:15! This was getting annoying...really annoying, but I am supposed to stay hydrated, right? Water is good for you, right? Well, I found out the hard way that you CAN drink TOO much water...really, I didn't drink too much, I just drank it within a short amount of time so my body released it quickly and often which diluted my sodium levels quite a bit. Sodium is an important electrolyte that helps regulate the body fluids and we all know electrolytes are important to have when working out. Since I drank so much water so fast releasing all of my electrolytes my cells in my body were acting crazy and caused the cramping that sent me out of the gym quickly.

At least I made it to the gym. Today I am so sore like I worked out for hours so I feel like I did something, but this evening I am going to focus on cardio more to work this soreness out and right now I am drinking a vitamin water to help replenish what I lost yesterday...and I have only had 5 cups of water so hopefully I will be ok. You live and you learn I guess. I'm trying to get healthy and if a little HURT gets me there then I am ok with that!

It has been so long since we talked....

Oh, how it has been so long since I strayed away from the blog that was supposed to give me motivation in my, what seems like, life long journey to get FIT! I hid away for so long until I eventually forgot what I was even doing....or so I wished.

My life with weight loss has resembled a see-saw the past couple years. The dreaded scale just goes up and down, up and down, up and down and finally I just stopped giving in to that elementary playground amusement and said "FORGET IT!" I was so tired of having to live a life I didn't enjoy, which in my world is a life without REAL food!

Over the summer I was exercising more than normal, but I could not seem to even come close to being satisfied with myself, my body...and in the end, my confidence. I came home from Kentucky and stopped working out, stopped eating the way I should because seeing no results became discouraging. Finally I decided to see a doctor since I had gained 13 lbs in about 2-3 months and exercised like Jillian Michaels. All blood work normal...nothing in my life could cause this so what now? Give up? Again? I mean, I am back to the weight I started at a couple years ago...

For a while giving up was the take I had on my life...I had given up on love, given up on marriage, and even given up the dream I have had since a little girl--having children, so why not give up on food? God gave me another option--DON'T GIVE UP! How could I not listen to God? Living my life in gluttony is not what God wants and I have been doing that for quite a while with food.

I pray everyday for strenth and guidance to become a healthier person...it is not easy, but there are lots of things in life we have to fight for. Well, I am fighting again and this time I am fighting like I have never done before...this fight with food will be the Muhammad Ali/Joe Frazier fight...the second time around!

I AM GOING TO DO THIS! There is no doubt in my mind this time...if you stopped working at your job you would get fired, right? Why stop working at health...I'm not ready to expire! With patience and strength from God I will succeed...I know it is hard to have confidence in me right now, but WATCH OUT WORLD CAUSE I'M NOT GIVING UP THIS TIME!!!

God bless and say a prayer for me. :-)