Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Can I ever get back on track??

I keep on messing up. I know what I need to do, I know what I need to eat, but I just keep telling myself I can't. This is HORRIBLE! I feel that I am a strong willed person most of the time, but lately, when it has came to food I have been so weak. I am about to go to Fort Knox in 5 days for the entire summer. I want to be strong out there all by my lonesome. I want to be strong now!

I have no excuse anymore. I finished up my last root canal this morning. I have no reason not to eat healthy. I did become bored with the plan I was on so I have decided that I am going to eat healthy, but some of those vegetables they said I can't have I may have once in a while. Half of the vegetables on the list I didn't like so in order to continue on with this journey I have to do what works for me.

It is time....AGAIN (I know) to get back on the pony. I really, really, REALLY want to reach my goal weight...I need some motivation. Do you have any for me??

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Why do I do this??

It has been a while since I have written and maybe it has a little to do with the fact that I have NOT been dieting and that is a little embarassing for me. The past few weeks I have been to Greensboro, to Greensboro again, to DC, then had to undergo 2 root canals in which the first one didn't go over to well with my mouth. These may just be excuses, okay so they are, but I have fallen off the wagon. While traveling it is hard to eat healthy when fast food is within an arms reach everywhere you go and when you are on the move constantly it is hard to sit down and search for a place that will serve me protein and veggies.

I told myself after each trip that I was going to get back in the game, but I never did. I let chocolate and honeybuns talk to me a little more than I should have. Everyday I said, "Okay, I will start back tomorrow." Tomorrow hasn't came yet. I haven't been to the gym much, which is very important in this diet, well in any diet. I feel horrible and stupid and even though I have checked the scale I look in the mirror and see all that weight I have lost so far back on me. That is kind of, in a wierd way, a good thing. I know where I was and I know that I was not happy in that body. I know how happy I have been since I started the diet and how it felt to look in the mirror and see myself shrink...and to put on a pair of pants and laugh because of the fact that I had to hold them up all day. I know in order to stay happyn with myself I have to jump back on. Only I can make this happen. I control what goes in my body, not anyone else. It is important to me to be healthy, to lose weight....to be a role model for others. It is very important.

So.....

I went to the grocery store today. I picked out my protein and I have decided that if I want to make this happen I have to do something about it. I have gone (since the beginning, last year) from 185 to 155 and I am not to my goal weight. My goal for myself is 135 and the doc says 120. I want to get to 135 and see how I feel with myself then. If I feel I am not done then I will keep going, but I have to keep going. I can't let the sweets or any other temptation or travel arrangement get in my way. In 12 days I will be heading to Fort Knox, KY for my job and this is another excuse I have used for myself. I will be living in a hotel for 70some days. I have thought and thought...how in the world am I going to eat healthy out of a hotel with just a microwave to cook with??...I know I can. My brother and sister-n-law gave me a crockpot so I know I can cook healthy with that. I know there is a gym there...it is an army base for crying out loud...so I can still exercise. I have no excuses...I can and WILL continue on this journey to get where I want to be, to become happy with myself and my body. I can't wait to come back after my summer in Kentucky and see everyone's faces when I am in my lean body, wearing a size 7 or maybe smaller...

I am so excited to be who I have always wanted to be...without changing who I am on the inside.

So, tomorrow...that day will come tomorrow.