I am getting soooooo annoyed with myself...why can't I just stick to the diet? Why can't I eat healthy here in Kentucky?? I keep saying, "I can do this! I am ready to start again! I am going to stick with it this time!" And I can't seem to do this. This is ridiculous!
Going to a different place and being put out of your element is hard. First I had the stresses of not having anything to cook with except a microwave...well, I got an electric skillet, so that was solved. Then I was able to move into a suite, still no stove, but I felt better about where I was...felt more at home..but I have been sooooo tired. I got used to the B12 shots every week from the weigh station. I have the B12 vitamins now, but they are not seeming to work...and this is probably because my body is getting pumped with all the bad stuff that keeps wearing me down.
I have a problem with cake...I LOVE IT!! I feel like I am hungry ALL the time again and this really stinks. Going to the weigh station was so great. It is like you worked harder because you knew you someone else was going to praise you; someone you didn't know and it felt good to have that. I am trying to push myself. I am proud of me in one aspect..I can run for 30 minutes straight on the treadmill. That is a huge accomplishment for me, but then I go back to the motel and pack back on those calories I lost by eating at Dodge's (YOU WILL GET YOUR MONTLY CHOLOSTEROL LIMIT IN ONE MEAL) Chicken or having a Dairy Queen blizzard....or even grabbing a snack out of the snack machine...UGGHHHH!!! This is a nightmare! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I need that motivation I had from the beginning. I don't want to put back on the weight. And I seem so consumed in wanting to lose it but when I see the food I really love, well that consumes me more. Am I just destined to be fat?
Today was a fat day. It rained last night; okay, so all the rain in the world came down on Muldraugh, KY last night along with lightening and thunder...I said the Indians were having a pow-wow on my roof last night (It was that loud!)...so since it rained it is a little cold so I wanted to wear jeans and a cute shirt...that wasn't happening...it was a t-shirt and jeans day. Everything I put on I felt FAT in and I don't mean, oh I can see a little pudge hanging out, I MEAN FAT!!!! I felt huge. I know I am not ginormous or anything, but I still could lose a few pounds. People around here have told me, you don't need to lose...you look fine the way you are...Well, thanks homies, but I feel FAT!!!! Can I get an AMEN!!!
How do I fix this? How do I get my motivation back? Anyone know where I can find a doc to give me phentermine and B12 shots weekly in KY?? PLEASE HELP ME!!! And saying, "Oh, you can do it" is really not helping..haha..but thanks. I know I can, I have...I just need a new path to do this again.
For now, the S1 shop here at Fort Knox is heading to the Schnitzel Barn tonight so I can get even FATTER!!!!!! Oh well, I never had a schnitzel....(hmmm, is this the attitude that is putting the weight back on?)
Okay, so speaking from personal experience, as a person who probably gained at least 20 lbs. out there last summer, I know it is hard. I went in with the same attitude, I wasn't going to do bad. But, when I got there, it was like all the sudden it was easier to stop at the BP on the way to work and get some pop-tarts and milk for breakfast, and while I was at it, I would buy a bag of M & M's to munch on during the day, etc. Then, I would eat my lean cuisine and fruit during the day, but at night is when I would go back to that BP and get some ice cream while I watched tv. Just as you get in the routine of doing good, it is so easy to fall back into the routine of eating unhealthy. I'm not going to say you can do it, because you already know that, it's whether or not you want to do it. You definately care about it, so that's still a good sign. You just have to make up your mind to stick with it. Funny though, what sounds so easy, is really hard!!! Trust me, I know!! My vice is ice cream instead of cake!!! Not sure what else to say except when you are ready, you will get back on it, and if you don't, you will have to answer for it. And, that's that homie! Love ya!!
ReplyDeleteThanks...I want to...REAL BAD! I know I can, I have...I just have to do it! WILL POWER!!!!!! I don't want to answer for it...So, I may do Cardio Salsa today..
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