Life is full of obstacles and I do believe coming here to Kentucky has been an obstacle for me...as far as my food choices go. I have had a hard time eating what I am supposed to eat and ONLY that. There are so many new restaurants around here that I want to try...I am tired and "Do I really have to clean that electric skillett again?" sets in...That thing is annoying!!
Well, all my trying new restaurants and tiredness has caught up to me and I have gained some weight...I am not happy with it..so no happy that I am not even going to say how much....anywho...because I gained weight, and I really believe this, I have to have my gallbladder taken out. Now, let me tell you why I think it is because I gained weight....I read it on the internet. haha...No really, I was reading up on the causes of gallbladder problems and one of the reasons was losing weight quickly then gaining weight back. I am blaming the surgery of the removal of one of my organs on my weight gain, my eating, my ice cream, my cakes, my Baconator's from Wendys....my pizza...yeah, I just have a problem...I LOVE FOOD!!! Well, I am living proof, and I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow to verify my theory, that food can make you unhealthy. It is important to eat right and live a healthy lifestyle. Not only will you live longer, if God sees fit, but you will feel better about yourself and not only go shopping for shoes and purses. When the clothes you were fitting into stop fitting you don't want to buy anything else!
Well, I now HAVE to eat right...I really have no choice, especially if this gallbladder comes out..because after it is out you have to be very cautious of what you take in or you can cause more problems than you had before. Notice I said "if"...yes, I am hopeing after this consultation tomorrow that there will be other options besides having surgery and taking medication for the rest of my life...cause I really hate it (vitamins are enough)...I am hopeing that he says I can eat healthy and maybe cure this diseased gallbladder...Now I know nothing about medicine practices, but I am just hopeing...keeping my fingers crossed...praying for God to give me another chance. I am scared and I do believe I have put myself there...I have to change....for the better.
Pray for me, pray with me....pray I continue to have the strength I need to eat ONLY what I need...to not "think" or "feel" like I am hungry all the time...for an apple to satisfy my chocolate craving...for water to taste OH SO GOOD!! Pray for a positive word from the surgeon tomorrow...Pray that I continue to see what I see today and that I want to make a change..that I WANT to do well for me, for my dad who wants me to have a happy, healthy life....for everyone whom I may be an inspiration to...Pray with me..pray for me....Pray!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
OH MY GOSH!!! WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT!?!?
I am getting soooooo annoyed with myself...why can't I just stick to the diet? Why can't I eat healthy here in Kentucky?? I keep saying, "I can do this! I am ready to start again! I am going to stick with it this time!" And I can't seem to do this. This is ridiculous!
Going to a different place and being put out of your element is hard. First I had the stresses of not having anything to cook with except a microwave...well, I got an electric skillet, so that was solved. Then I was able to move into a suite, still no stove, but I felt better about where I was...felt more at home..but I have been sooooo tired. I got used to the B12 shots every week from the weigh station. I have the B12 vitamins now, but they are not seeming to work...and this is probably because my body is getting pumped with all the bad stuff that keeps wearing me down.
I have a problem with cake...I LOVE IT!! I feel like I am hungry ALL the time again and this really stinks. Going to the weigh station was so great. It is like you worked harder because you knew you someone else was going to praise you; someone you didn't know and it felt good to have that. I am trying to push myself. I am proud of me in one aspect..I can run for 30 minutes straight on the treadmill. That is a huge accomplishment for me, but then I go back to the motel and pack back on those calories I lost by eating at Dodge's (YOU WILL GET YOUR MONTLY CHOLOSTEROL LIMIT IN ONE MEAL) Chicken or having a Dairy Queen blizzard....or even grabbing a snack out of the snack machine...UGGHHHH!!! This is a nightmare! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I need that motivation I had from the beginning. I don't want to put back on the weight. And I seem so consumed in wanting to lose it but when I see the food I really love, well that consumes me more. Am I just destined to be fat?
Today was a fat day. It rained last night; okay, so all the rain in the world came down on Muldraugh, KY last night along with lightening and thunder...I said the Indians were having a pow-wow on my roof last night (It was that loud!)...so since it rained it is a little cold so I wanted to wear jeans and a cute shirt...that wasn't happening...it was a t-shirt and jeans day. Everything I put on I felt FAT in and I don't mean, oh I can see a little pudge hanging out, I MEAN FAT!!!! I felt huge. I know I am not ginormous or anything, but I still could lose a few pounds. People around here have told me, you don't need to lose...you look fine the way you are...Well, thanks homies, but I feel FAT!!!! Can I get an AMEN!!!
How do I fix this? How do I get my motivation back? Anyone know where I can find a doc to give me phentermine and B12 shots weekly in KY?? PLEASE HELP ME!!! And saying, "Oh, you can do it" is really not helping..haha..but thanks. I know I can, I have...I just need a new path to do this again.
For now, the S1 shop here at Fort Knox is heading to the Schnitzel Barn tonight so I can get even FATTER!!!!!! Oh well, I never had a schnitzel....(hmmm, is this the attitude that is putting the weight back on?)
Going to a different place and being put out of your element is hard. First I had the stresses of not having anything to cook with except a microwave...well, I got an electric skillet, so that was solved. Then I was able to move into a suite, still no stove, but I felt better about where I was...felt more at home..but I have been sooooo tired. I got used to the B12 shots every week from the weigh station. I have the B12 vitamins now, but they are not seeming to work...and this is probably because my body is getting pumped with all the bad stuff that keeps wearing me down.
I have a problem with cake...I LOVE IT!! I feel like I am hungry ALL the time again and this really stinks. Going to the weigh station was so great. It is like you worked harder because you knew you someone else was going to praise you; someone you didn't know and it felt good to have that. I am trying to push myself. I am proud of me in one aspect..I can run for 30 minutes straight on the treadmill. That is a huge accomplishment for me, but then I go back to the motel and pack back on those calories I lost by eating at Dodge's (YOU WILL GET YOUR MONTLY CHOLOSTEROL LIMIT IN ONE MEAL) Chicken or having a Dairy Queen blizzard....or even grabbing a snack out of the snack machine...UGGHHHH!!! This is a nightmare! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I need that motivation I had from the beginning. I don't want to put back on the weight. And I seem so consumed in wanting to lose it but when I see the food I really love, well that consumes me more. Am I just destined to be fat?
Today was a fat day. It rained last night; okay, so all the rain in the world came down on Muldraugh, KY last night along with lightening and thunder...I said the Indians were having a pow-wow on my roof last night (It was that loud!)...so since it rained it is a little cold so I wanted to wear jeans and a cute shirt...that wasn't happening...it was a t-shirt and jeans day. Everything I put on I felt FAT in and I don't mean, oh I can see a little pudge hanging out, I MEAN FAT!!!! I felt huge. I know I am not ginormous or anything, but I still could lose a few pounds. People around here have told me, you don't need to lose...you look fine the way you are...Well, thanks homies, but I feel FAT!!!! Can I get an AMEN!!!
How do I fix this? How do I get my motivation back? Anyone know where I can find a doc to give me phentermine and B12 shots weekly in KY?? PLEASE HELP ME!!! And saying, "Oh, you can do it" is really not helping..haha..but thanks. I know I can, I have...I just need a new path to do this again.
For now, the S1 shop here at Fort Knox is heading to the Schnitzel Barn tonight so I can get even FATTER!!!!!! Oh well, I never had a schnitzel....(hmmm, is this the attitude that is putting the weight back on?)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
It has been a while, I know
So, it has been a while since I posted, but I have been doing a few things...I made it to Fort Knox, working, seeing horse races, visiting other towns....and eating..Yes, Eating things I should not eat. I have gained 7 pounds since I have been here and I am NOT happy about it so today I have started over...I am not going to starve myself with only protein, but I am eating healthy like I never quit the diet...I have my gym bag packed for after work and I am going to march down the hall and jump on the treadmill and RUN!!! I have come too far and done so good. I have been so proud of myself until I put those shorts on yesterday...I was SOOOO mad...they were tight and they just looked nasty.
I went and got an electric skillet after worrying and worrying about how in the world I was going to eat out of a microwave for 70 some days...I have no idea why I never thought about that in the first place...it is time...I know I have said this before, but it is time...I AM GOING TO REACH MY GOAL WEIGHT! ARE YOU READY? I AM!!!
I went and got an electric skillet after worrying and worrying about how in the world I was going to eat out of a microwave for 70 some days...I have no idea why I never thought about that in the first place...it is time...I know I have said this before, but it is time...I AM GOING TO REACH MY GOAL WEIGHT! ARE YOU READY? I AM!!!
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