What? 54?? Huh??? Well, that is MY number TODAY...that number will go down within the coming weeks, but right now it is 54. That is how many pounds I need to lose to get to a healthy weight...my goal weight.
This number may seem big to some, but I'm not afraid of it. I am ready. I am so motivated and, for once, nothing seems to be getting in my way. This is an amazing feeling...a feeling I have never had before. I started a fast on the 9th of January to become closer to God. I cut out sweets, more like convenience store sweets, and soda. I have had a want here and there, but not really a craving for either of these. I remember the day before I started I went to the store coming home with a Diet Root Beer, a candybar and I think even a cake! I was NOT looking forward to taking these things out of my daily routine. Since the 9th I have prayed for strength, read the Bible and I have NOT touched a single sweet or drank a soda at all. I am so happy that God is giving me the strength and I feel closer to Him than ever.
When I started my fast and saw how easy God was getting me through I decided it was time to get back on track again and pray for strength for this journey also. I am doing great! It is, in a sense, hard to believe how motivated I am, but God will never steer you wrong!
I weighed in Wednesday at a whopping 184 lbs and I want to reach 130. I was a bit discouraged when I stepped on the scale knowing that before summer I was at 169, but things happen and there is nothing you can do but look forward. I know 54 seems so long away, but in order to get there I have to make small goals and I am starting with 5lbs and go from there. I plan to continue to exercise at my pace--I don't want to kill myself, and eat what I want, just smaller portions (and I am counting my calories). This will work this time!
It is hard to live life in a body that even yourself can't accept, but in order to fix that problem a change has to be made and no one can do that for you. There are many things I want to change about my appearance...I like who I am on the inside, but what I see in the mirror does not make me happy.
I am tired of feeling the need to cover my stomach with a jacket, pillow, blanket...whatever is near me, when I sit down!
I am tired of putting clothes away in storage because "I just know I will fit back into them someday!"
I am tired of feeling miserable after a meal or feeling guilty when I overindulge!
I am tired of looking at every area of fat on my body every single day before I get in the shower, when I change clothes, when I sit a certain way, when I am next to someone smaller than me!
I am tired of getting angry at my closet!
I am tired of the tears that fall on the days I just feel "ugly".
I am tired of jeans and t-shirts! I want to wear nice clothes and feel pretty..
I am tired of low self-esteem!
I am tired of being tired...both physically and mentally.
I want this change...I want it more than I have ever wanted it before and I know some days will be harder than others, but I also know MY GOD will pull me through those days. I CAN DO THIS! I have no doubt in my mind. It is time to stop putting this off...I am ready to change my number to 0!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13
Colossians 1:11
ReplyDeleteWe pray that you will have the strength to stick it out over the long haul-not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy.
Isiah 40:29
He gives strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak.
I know a change is coming! I see a bit difference coming out of you! Just keep holding the hand of the Lord he will show you how to get there, so smile cause you will be wearing one for along time. Keep doing what you are doing and continue to let God be God and keep showing you the way! Don't ever let the devil take this away from you! Everyday is a day you completed and are closer to your goal keep pressing on and don't give up and do t turn around and go back to where you started! Go ahead a d give Satan that weight to carry! You don't want it nomore! Nice blog!!
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