Well, I had a weigh in today, which I have every week with my Weight Watchers group and even though I said it is not about weight loss (which I still agree) I did say I would probably still post it so I am ....
I LOST 2.2LBS THIS WEEK!
This is a great feeling, kind of reassuring that you are doing what you are supposed to do...in my case it is to eat healthy, exercise and be accountable for what I do each day. Now I have more of a reason to be accountalbe. Thanks to a good facebook friend, Tessa, I have created a challenge group on facebook called SPREAD THE HEALTH...A CHALLENGE COMMUNITY. This group was created in hopes to do just as it says...spread the health. Today we all take for granted the ease of getting food not taking into account the problems that could cause us health wise in the longrun. In order to live a long life, if God chooses for us to by health, we need to take better care of ourselves. I hope people decide to take on the challenge of creating a challenge for themselves. I feel I am making a difference and this feels great!
Life is changing for me...I hope you choose to change yours as well.
God Bless!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
ALL IN A MONTH'S TIME...
"I DID IT!!!" These 3 little words seemed to be the only words that could go through my head this morning after leaving the gym and heading home to shower. It all seems surreal to me that I made it through an entire month of doing what I put my mind to.
This past month I challenged myself to go to the gym everyday for 30 days and eat healthy. I can say that every day was not an easy one. There were days that I asked myself why in the world I decided to do this and there were other days that I did not want to leave the gym. I feel so accomplished in my efforts because of the many things I have overcome this month. First of all I overcame the fear of "not being able to follow through." All my life I have used many excuses to get out of something either because I was afraid of the outcome or I just didn't think I could. My dad would always tell me that I can do so much more than I think I can. He always tried to instill a positive attitude in me and taught me to go for whatever I can possibly go for and to succeed at it! This challenge was a first step into a new life that I want for myself...a step in living up to what my dad always knew I AM...this is A SUCCESS STORY that I am happy to share.
I posted my challenge on facebook for the world, well my facebook world, to see so therefore I had no excuse...I had to do this! Every day there would be a different picture taken of me; at the park, at the gym, at home-and I would post under the picture what I did that day physically. There was only 1 day that I did not make it to the gym, but I was pretty sick that day. I did want to go so bad, but I knew since I was trying to become healthier that a part of this was to know when to say when. I even worked with a personal trainer this month and that was an experience in itself! SORE was not even a word to describe the pain he put me through, but it was a good pain...another "accomplishment" if you will.
The food choices I made during this 30 day challenge were different that what I had been choosing the past few months, but I was never starving and I ate well!! The past few years I have been trying to lose weight. I have tried counting calories, cutting carbs, getting shots, taking pills and NOTHING had worked…I would always give up because I wasn’t happy with my food choices or the process. I was always focusing on LOSING WEIGHT. I am now on Weight Watchers...yes, another diet plan, but this one is different. I am allowed 29 points per day and everything I eat has a point value. I can have ANYTHING as long as I write it down and put that point on it. That is exactly what I have done this month. I wrote EVERYTHING down and yes, I did have a candy bar here and there..a piece of cake-EVEN A 15 POINT HONEYBUN (one of those endless pit days!), but I was accountable for everything I ate! There was not a time that I said, "Well, I only took a bite so I won't write that down.." I have realized that fruits and vegetable are filling, and these are free on my plan by the way--no point values--so I can have all I want, but we try to limit to 5 a day. What am I getting to? Well, I look at what I am about to eat...I don't count the calories, but I pay attention to what is healthy. That 15 point honey bun, yes, I knew it was bad, but I wanted it, which is something else I learned this month--we cannot deprive ourselves from what we really want. As long as we don't go binging through the kitchen at 9pm on a Wednesday night right before bed when we have to work the next day..or anyday, we will be okay. If I want something really bad, I go for it, but I am accountable for it and, yes, I feel it the next day.
I am not so hard on myself now compared to the way I was when I started this thing. I can't be or I will never achieve my goal. How much weight have I lost or how many inches have I lost?? I don't know. I will not be posting this. I do weigh in every week at WW and the scale has not been moving much, I will say that, but it is not about the weight to me right now. I do have a goal I want to reach, but I have to take care of ME first and by continuing to do this I will get there, but there is no rush. I will occasionally post about my actual weight loss, I am sure, but I think this is why so many diets fail; everyone watches the scale and when it doesn't move they get frustrated (which I have, recently actually). I know my body and what it has done. I have toned up by doing cardio and weights. My face has slimmed down. I am more awake than what I would be if I ate unhealthy every day. I enjoy my meals because I don't worry where those 8 grams of fat in my lean cuisine pizza will go anymore. I LOVE the gym! I love learning more and more about health and I LOVE motivating people!
This challenge has not only improved myself and the way I think, but I have helped others. I have been a motivator without even knowing it at the time. When I received the messages about the motivation I was sending out I got tears in my eyes. This made me feel incredible! This was NEVER a goal of mine when I started this, but now I have made it a daily goal--I will continue to try to motivate however I can. I want people to look to me for advice, for help...for whatever and whenever. I LOVE helping people and to know that I did just by posting my "healthy way of living" pictures everyday...WOW!
Right now I am continuing to focus on myself to get me where I want to be, to be happy with me, but I am currently trying to think of something else to challenge myself at. I have a few things in mind, but nothing to post on facebook yet..haha. Any ideas??
My advice for you is to challenge yourself…start with a weak area of your life and work on it, build on it..You never know what will happen in the end until you succeed!
This past month I challenged myself to go to the gym everyday for 30 days and eat healthy. I can say that every day was not an easy one. There were days that I asked myself why in the world I decided to do this and there were other days that I did not want to leave the gym. I feel so accomplished in my efforts because of the many things I have overcome this month. First of all I overcame the fear of "not being able to follow through." All my life I have used many excuses to get out of something either because I was afraid of the outcome or I just didn't think I could. My dad would always tell me that I can do so much more than I think I can. He always tried to instill a positive attitude in me and taught me to go for whatever I can possibly go for and to succeed at it! This challenge was a first step into a new life that I want for myself...a step in living up to what my dad always knew I AM...this is A SUCCESS STORY that I am happy to share.
I posted my challenge on facebook for the world, well my facebook world, to see so therefore I had no excuse...I had to do this! Every day there would be a different picture taken of me; at the park, at the gym, at home-and I would post under the picture what I did that day physically. There was only 1 day that I did not make it to the gym, but I was pretty sick that day. I did want to go so bad, but I knew since I was trying to become healthier that a part of this was to know when to say when. I even worked with a personal trainer this month and that was an experience in itself! SORE was not even a word to describe the pain he put me through, but it was a good pain...another "accomplishment" if you will.
The food choices I made during this 30 day challenge were different that what I had been choosing the past few months, but I was never starving and I ate well!! The past few years I have been trying to lose weight. I have tried counting calories, cutting carbs, getting shots, taking pills and NOTHING had worked…I would always give up because I wasn’t happy with my food choices or the process. I was always focusing on LOSING WEIGHT. I am now on Weight Watchers...yes, another diet plan, but this one is different. I am allowed 29 points per day and everything I eat has a point value. I can have ANYTHING as long as I write it down and put that point on it. That is exactly what I have done this month. I wrote EVERYTHING down and yes, I did have a candy bar here and there..a piece of cake-EVEN A 15 POINT HONEYBUN (one of those endless pit days!), but I was accountable for everything I ate! There was not a time that I said, "Well, I only took a bite so I won't write that down.." I have realized that fruits and vegetable are filling, and these are free on my plan by the way--no point values--so I can have all I want, but we try to limit to 5 a day. What am I getting to? Well, I look at what I am about to eat...I don't count the calories, but I pay attention to what is healthy. That 15 point honey bun, yes, I knew it was bad, but I wanted it, which is something else I learned this month--we cannot deprive ourselves from what we really want. As long as we don't go binging through the kitchen at 9pm on a Wednesday night right before bed when we have to work the next day..or anyday, we will be okay. If I want something really bad, I go for it, but I am accountable for it and, yes, I feel it the next day.
I am not so hard on myself now compared to the way I was when I started this thing. I can't be or I will never achieve my goal. How much weight have I lost or how many inches have I lost?? I don't know. I will not be posting this. I do weigh in every week at WW and the scale has not been moving much, I will say that, but it is not about the weight to me right now. I do have a goal I want to reach, but I have to take care of ME first and by continuing to do this I will get there, but there is no rush. I will occasionally post about my actual weight loss, I am sure, but I think this is why so many diets fail; everyone watches the scale and when it doesn't move they get frustrated (which I have, recently actually). I know my body and what it has done. I have toned up by doing cardio and weights. My face has slimmed down. I am more awake than what I would be if I ate unhealthy every day. I enjoy my meals because I don't worry where those 8 grams of fat in my lean cuisine pizza will go anymore. I LOVE the gym! I love learning more and more about health and I LOVE motivating people!
This challenge has not only improved myself and the way I think, but I have helped others. I have been a motivator without even knowing it at the time. When I received the messages about the motivation I was sending out I got tears in my eyes. This made me feel incredible! This was NEVER a goal of mine when I started this, but now I have made it a daily goal--I will continue to try to motivate however I can. I want people to look to me for advice, for help...for whatever and whenever. I LOVE helping people and to know that I did just by posting my "healthy way of living" pictures everyday...WOW!
Right now I am continuing to focus on myself to get me where I want to be, to be happy with me, but I am currently trying to think of something else to challenge myself at. I have a few things in mind, but nothing to post on facebook yet..haha. Any ideas??
My advice for you is to challenge yourself…start with a weak area of your life and work on it, build on it..You never know what will happen in the end until you succeed!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
It Takes Time
Life has its ups and downs. At the moment my ups and downs are defined by my weight. I have tried many diets...done lots of exercise and nothing has ever seemed to stay with me or work. I would get into exercising and then get sick..have surgery..the weather would keep me from getting to the gym-it seems like anything and everything would get in my way and push me back. I would soon end up back where I started...feeling fat, uncomfortable, depressed and I wanted to give up.
It wasn't long ago that I decided to make a decision for my life and what I would soon know, for others as well. I decided that only I can do this. Only I can make myself happy whether I be fat or skinny. My decision was none of the above. Surprised? Well, I made a different decision. I decided I wanted to be healthy. I want to live a happy and healthy life and a long one if God chooses that for me. I want to motivate others and with what I have done so far I feel I am at the start of doing what I put my mind to.
In February I started Weight Watchers. The first week I had to go out of town for my job and eat out for every meal. Needless to say I gained a little over 2 pounds that week. After that it was on! I started the plan full force and I have cheated here and there, who doesn't? But I feel more free with my meal choices and I am happier than I have been in a while trying to "diet".
March 1st I decided to challenge myself...step it up a bit. I posted this on Facebook for accountability because I needed motivation for myself and letting the Facebook world in on this I felt I couldn't give up. I have posted a picture everyday since the first about my activity for that day...even worked with a personal trainer. My body has been toning up, I can tell but the weight hasn't been falling off which has been discouraging. At times when it was time to weigh in I wanted to scream because that number was not what I wanted to see. I then step back and look at what I have been doing...how I have improved my life with food, exercise and how I have motivated others with what I have been doing and I know I can't stop now. God has given me the chance to take care of me and prove to others I CAN!
So many people have told me how much I have motivated them and that feeling is phenomenal! I pray God continues to give me this strength and drive to take care of myself and the knowledge to teach others how to do the same. I have a friend, Michelle who is also doing weight watchers and we motivate one another when life isn't so much the life we ask for. This summer we will both be out of town for work but thankfully we will be working together. We will help one another...share recipies...cook together...exercise together and even have our occasional "bad food" nights together and I can't wait. It is important to have support in areas of your life where you are not the strongest and with friends like Michelle and family I know I won't fail.
I love being a motivator and I love this journey I am taking to get there...now enjoy this picture of my 5 point banana pudding! Ah! The sweet things in life!
GOD BLESS YOU TOWARD A HEALTHY LIFE!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Is it whats on the inside that counts??
What if the inside is deceiving? What if you are unsure and think maybe the inside is just a mirror image of the parts revealed? What if you don't know how or what the inside is capable of and you think, at times, it is so great then something happens that just stabs?...because you were relying on the inside?
I am so confused in my life and sometimes I really don't know which direction to turn. Once minute I am so positive and happy and enjoying every minute of life then something happens that changes everything. You know, I look to God for answers in my life and I ask Him to let me be myself and He does, so I am thankful. So, why do I question my ability to love...to let go..to stop worrying about what could happen? Why do I do some of the things I do that could potentially mess up a relationship if one was to form? I am not talking about cheating or anything...just some things I say that later I realize I didn't mean to say...maybe it came out wrong...why do I investigate? Yes, I do investigate. I am so scared that if I get my whole self to someone it will get ripped into shreads...SO SCARED! I cry at times because I feel lonely and I think, "WOW! I have SOOOO much love to give someone...SOOO much. I want to share...then when that time comes I want to run. I don't know what to do, say, how to act...I am lost right now. I really wish I had my dad to talk to right now...I miss him and his great advice in everything.
Now, I know that the next step is to pray for guidance in my life. I do this often, but maybe I have just misunderstood what God was telling me.
Praying often, praying always.
I am so confused in my life and sometimes I really don't know which direction to turn. Once minute I am so positive and happy and enjoying every minute of life then something happens that changes everything. You know, I look to God for answers in my life and I ask Him to let me be myself and He does, so I am thankful. So, why do I question my ability to love...to let go..to stop worrying about what could happen? Why do I do some of the things I do that could potentially mess up a relationship if one was to form? I am not talking about cheating or anything...just some things I say that later I realize I didn't mean to say...maybe it came out wrong...why do I investigate? Yes, I do investigate. I am so scared that if I get my whole self to someone it will get ripped into shreads...SO SCARED! I cry at times because I feel lonely and I think, "WOW! I have SOOOO much love to give someone...SOOO much. I want to share...then when that time comes I want to run. I don't know what to do, say, how to act...I am lost right now. I really wish I had my dad to talk to right now...I miss him and his great advice in everything.
Now, I know that the next step is to pray for guidance in my life. I do this often, but maybe I have just misunderstood what God was telling me.
Praying often, praying always.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I AM HAVING AN "UGGHHHH!!!" MOMENT
Sometimes I just want to scream out "UGGGHHHH!!!!" because I just don't get it! There have been days in my life when I think things are just so great, I am the happiest person around, and when I know my world has just changed for the better. It would be ideal to be this type of person everyday, and I try...I try to have a positive attitude on life, I actually try to enforce this in other people, but you know, sometimes we just need to be a "Debbie Downer". Sometimes life just does not go as we "seen" it.
This has been my issue lately. Since the first day I discovered that boys did not actually have cooties I have been searching for my husband, like all women (most won't admit it). In elementary school we used to play the games at the lunch table that would tell us who we would marry, how many cars we would have and if we would live in a glass house or not...oh, how those were the days. Eventually all of us little school girls grew up into women and some moved on and moved into their glass houses, while others are still trying to figure out when their paper fortunes would come true. Can you guess where I am? Why would I be writing this if I wasn't one of the little school girls still waiting?
The other day, after a few weeks of that PEPPY life I was living a door seemed to slam in my face and I starting thinking..."You know, this has happened a lot to me." In a search to find my prince charming since elementary school I have had bad run ins along the way. It goes back to 6th grade where I met the first "PIMP"...well, at least he thought he was. He was the first boyfriend I ever had (if you want to call it that), but the only reason I was able to label myself as the "girlfriend" is because all the other girls in the class were also...we would all go get married by the cemetary (creepy, I know-could be by my relationship life has been so dead) at recess and it was just great. Soon after all of us little girls realized that the cemetary marriages were not all it seemed cut out to be we moved on to high school where we needed to be cool. My problem is, I never got the "cool" gene. I never really dated in high school except for the time I met someone at the skating rink and he ran off and joined the military...oh, and, when I thought I was deeply in love with this guy to find out he started dating another girl in my class; that was a real heartbreaker. Then, let's see..before college I met someone, went off to college and came back to see he was dating a good friend of mine..wait, that happened twice. Yeah, that hurt, but college was much better..so I thought. I had my times, but nothing I really want to look back on and say, yeah, that was great! There was one guy that I really admired..we had so much fun together...laughed a lot...watched movies all the time...just hung out and became ourselves with one another then what do you know?!?! He goes back to Florida to continue his relationship with his FLORIDA GIRLFRIEND and has lots of babies!
So, college is over and I move on to the realy world thinking, "Okay, little paper fortune, I think it is time." In the real world I get a real job, I make new friends. I go out, have fun, meet people..guys actually! And then here goes my string of bad luck again...I meet someone, he likes me...we hang out, have fun, he meets my friends and decides to push me aside and date them...this has happened more than once! I meet someone else...we hang out, have fun...I go away on vacation and get back to find that he tried to pick up my sister while I was away..and lots of people I have met have expressed interest in me then met my sister or friends and started pursueing them instead.
Relationships have really not been my thing I guess..I really don't even know if I know how to have one to be honest. When I do meet someone it is hard for my mind not to wonder around..I think, "Oh, well he only wants one thing probably.." or "I bet if he sees my sister or my friends he will not want me anymore becuase maybe I am just not pretty enough or skinny enough...", or "This won't last so why even try?". I also don't even know when guys are flirting with me or what...I don't know how to talk to anyone anymore. I really try to be myself hopeing that someone will actually notice that then I think, "Maybe I should change something about me because "myself" does not seem to be working."
For a while I just remained solo with no intentions of meeting anyone. I would stay at home, do nothing, and sulk in my sorrow all the time. People would try to get me to go out and do things but I just saw no point in it. Finally I met someone. We decided to do the first date thing and it was great! We had so much fun, continued to talk on the phone...we scheduled a second date and something came up...we still talked, laughed, discovered things we had in common...scheduled another date...something came up. We talked more, laughed more, discovered more things in common...scheduled again and it was cancelled AGAIN! We talked a little more then all of a sudden I did not hear from him anymore. He would not answer my calls, text, e-mails...nothing. I wasn't obsessive about it or anything, I was just trying to see what was going on. To this day I have not heard anything from him...and I still don't get it. I moved on from that though. I did not really go out and pursue anyone else..I still stayed solo and just said "It is what it is"..I was not letting it get me down, for too long anyway.
Now, here we are..today. Recently I met someone else and my face was beaming there for a minute...I have been the type of person I talked about in the first paragraph..you know HAPPY!!!!!!! We went out a few times, hung out a couple times just to talk and had a GREAT TIME every time. Then, the broken record plays that same spot once again. A couple cancelled dates and then I hear nothing. Now, keep in mind, this has not even been a week yet, but when you are used to talking to someone everyday and if you have had the history I have had, what would you think? Would your mind not be swarming around like a pack of bees? I am lost, confused, I can't think straight and I am asking myself once again..."WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?" I am actually at the point where I am thinking about seeing a thearapist. I am almost 30 years old and I have never had a "real" relationship. Yes, I want to know more than anyone what this feels like. I want, for once, not to be shut down, pushed to the side, or be crapped on! I am tired of trying to please everyone else..trying to do whatever it takes to make them happy...trying to work around their schedules...of saying sorry when they do something wrong...I am tired of it all! I just want a happy, normal, healthy relationship...I pray every single night for this and each day it seems that it gets harder and harder to be so alone all the time. Can someone take me out on a real date, treat me like and lady and get to know me and like ME FOR ME!!! Can someone not give up on me and if you do can you tell me why? Can you tell me if I did something wrong? Is that too much to ask?!?! I am so fed up and I have reason to vent! I have reason to be angry and I am! I am so irritated and frustrated and I just don't understand!
Before my dad died he asked me all the time when I was going to find someone and get married..he wanted so much to walk me down the isle and he wanted me to have him some grandbabies because he knew how much I wanted both of those things. And, yes, I cry myself to sleep sometimes with the thought of this not happening for him and even now, when I just don't understand. I want help, guidance, answers...I want to understand...I pray for this.
"Patience is a virtue"...I know and I know also how many people have told me, "He's out there, you just have to stop looking." I am tired of hearing that by the way. When you want something so bad and you have wanted it for so long how do you stop looking for it...YOU CAN'T! Get real!
I think I am done here....my venting session for this topic should be complete!
This has been my issue lately. Since the first day I discovered that boys did not actually have cooties I have been searching for my husband, like all women (most won't admit it). In elementary school we used to play the games at the lunch table that would tell us who we would marry, how many cars we would have and if we would live in a glass house or not...oh, how those were the days. Eventually all of us little school girls grew up into women and some moved on and moved into their glass houses, while others are still trying to figure out when their paper fortunes would come true. Can you guess where I am? Why would I be writing this if I wasn't one of the little school girls still waiting?
The other day, after a few weeks of that PEPPY life I was living a door seemed to slam in my face and I starting thinking..."You know, this has happened a lot to me." In a search to find my prince charming since elementary school I have had bad run ins along the way. It goes back to 6th grade where I met the first "PIMP"...well, at least he thought he was. He was the first boyfriend I ever had (if you want to call it that), but the only reason I was able to label myself as the "girlfriend" is because all the other girls in the class were also...we would all go get married by the cemetary (creepy, I know-could be by my relationship life has been so dead) at recess and it was just great. Soon after all of us little girls realized that the cemetary marriages were not all it seemed cut out to be we moved on to high school where we needed to be cool. My problem is, I never got the "cool" gene. I never really dated in high school except for the time I met someone at the skating rink and he ran off and joined the military...oh, and, when I thought I was deeply in love with this guy to find out he started dating another girl in my class; that was a real heartbreaker. Then, let's see..before college I met someone, went off to college and came back to see he was dating a good friend of mine..wait, that happened twice. Yeah, that hurt, but college was much better..so I thought. I had my times, but nothing I really want to look back on and say, yeah, that was great! There was one guy that I really admired..we had so much fun together...laughed a lot...watched movies all the time...just hung out and became ourselves with one another then what do you know?!?! He goes back to Florida to continue his relationship with his FLORIDA GIRLFRIEND and has lots of babies!
So, college is over and I move on to the realy world thinking, "Okay, little paper fortune, I think it is time." In the real world I get a real job, I make new friends. I go out, have fun, meet people..guys actually! And then here goes my string of bad luck again...I meet someone, he likes me...we hang out, have fun, he meets my friends and decides to push me aside and date them...this has happened more than once! I meet someone else...we hang out, have fun...I go away on vacation and get back to find that he tried to pick up my sister while I was away..and lots of people I have met have expressed interest in me then met my sister or friends and started pursueing them instead.
Relationships have really not been my thing I guess..I really don't even know if I know how to have one to be honest. When I do meet someone it is hard for my mind not to wonder around..I think, "Oh, well he only wants one thing probably.." or "I bet if he sees my sister or my friends he will not want me anymore becuase maybe I am just not pretty enough or skinny enough...", or "This won't last so why even try?". I also don't even know when guys are flirting with me or what...I don't know how to talk to anyone anymore. I really try to be myself hopeing that someone will actually notice that then I think, "Maybe I should change something about me because "myself" does not seem to be working."
For a while I just remained solo with no intentions of meeting anyone. I would stay at home, do nothing, and sulk in my sorrow all the time. People would try to get me to go out and do things but I just saw no point in it. Finally I met someone. We decided to do the first date thing and it was great! We had so much fun, continued to talk on the phone...we scheduled a second date and something came up...we still talked, laughed, discovered things we had in common...scheduled another date...something came up. We talked more, laughed more, discovered more things in common...scheduled again and it was cancelled AGAIN! We talked a little more then all of a sudden I did not hear from him anymore. He would not answer my calls, text, e-mails...nothing. I wasn't obsessive about it or anything, I was just trying to see what was going on. To this day I have not heard anything from him...and I still don't get it. I moved on from that though. I did not really go out and pursue anyone else..I still stayed solo and just said "It is what it is"..I was not letting it get me down, for too long anyway.
Now, here we are..today. Recently I met someone else and my face was beaming there for a minute...I have been the type of person I talked about in the first paragraph..you know HAPPY!!!!!!! We went out a few times, hung out a couple times just to talk and had a GREAT TIME every time. Then, the broken record plays that same spot once again. A couple cancelled dates and then I hear nothing. Now, keep in mind, this has not even been a week yet, but when you are used to talking to someone everyday and if you have had the history I have had, what would you think? Would your mind not be swarming around like a pack of bees? I am lost, confused, I can't think straight and I am asking myself once again..."WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?" I am actually at the point where I am thinking about seeing a thearapist. I am almost 30 years old and I have never had a "real" relationship. Yes, I want to know more than anyone what this feels like. I want, for once, not to be shut down, pushed to the side, or be crapped on! I am tired of trying to please everyone else..trying to do whatever it takes to make them happy...trying to work around their schedules...of saying sorry when they do something wrong...I am tired of it all! I just want a happy, normal, healthy relationship...I pray every single night for this and each day it seems that it gets harder and harder to be so alone all the time. Can someone take me out on a real date, treat me like and lady and get to know me and like ME FOR ME!!! Can someone not give up on me and if you do can you tell me why? Can you tell me if I did something wrong? Is that too much to ask?!?! I am so fed up and I have reason to vent! I have reason to be angry and I am! I am so irritated and frustrated and I just don't understand!
Before my dad died he asked me all the time when I was going to find someone and get married..he wanted so much to walk me down the isle and he wanted me to have him some grandbabies because he knew how much I wanted both of those things. And, yes, I cry myself to sleep sometimes with the thought of this not happening for him and even now, when I just don't understand. I want help, guidance, answers...I want to understand...I pray for this.
"Patience is a virtue"...I know and I know also how many people have told me, "He's out there, you just have to stop looking." I am tired of hearing that by the way. When you want something so bad and you have wanted it for so long how do you stop looking for it...YOU CAN'T! Get real!
I think I am done here....my venting session for this topic should be complete!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Poetry for my Motivation
It jiggles, it shakes..it's because I ate too much cake.
It bulges, it's gross...it's definitely from a fast food overdose!
It just hangs there, it taunts me and I am trying SO hard to make it something it does not want to be..
Okay, so maybe not real hard, but I go to the gym...when I can..
Well, when I feel like it.
So, maybe that is why those skinny jeans won't fit..hmmmm.
I am tired of making New Year's resolutions, eating foods I don't like...that is NOT the solution!
I want my coffee with extra cream
French fries with lots of ketchup, pizza with all the good toppings...
To eat ANYTHING I want!! That seems to be every overweight American's dream!
Heart disease, cancer, diabetes, sleep apnea and more...these are just a few diseases that can knock on the obese door..
See, I was raised on cornbread and beans...my meat was never lean.
Save room for dessert because it was never lacking (I am guessing this is why my waistband is not slacking).
Sweet tea or a NON diet Pepsi more than once a day...
I guess that stuff was never okay...but it seemed to be..it fulfilled me.
These days everything we eat has to be called out, not by name, but by calories!
Live, laugh, love...right?
I LOVE FOOD and when I can't have what I want it puts me in a bad mood.
I don't like portion control or smaller plates...I don't really enjoy lifting weights..well, I don't really know how.
MOOO!! Another reason I sometimes feel like a cow..
I can throw out so many excuses, but in the end I know what I want so, therefore, I know what I need.
I want to be healthy and not die at a young age.
I want my clothes to fit and not be self conscious about what may be hanging out.
I want to run a marathon and never have doubt..
Doubt that I can't do something and I want to feel in my mind and HEALTHY heart that I can do everything!
If I have to give up a lifestyle I once knew then that is okay..I like new challenges..I challenge myself to take on a new challenge everyday!
I want others to look up to me so I can challenge them to also become healthy.
It is time to stop putting that New Year's resolution that I made for years off to the side...On that resolution my life resides.
Hamburgers, cake, pizza..se la vie...I'm ready to create this new me!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
So...I'M STILL FAT!!!
So maybe that is a harsh word to use, but I can't seem to get with the program. It seems I do so good for a moment then all the chocolate and candy and fattening foods in the world get thrown at me. Can someone just wave their magic wand over me and make these cravings go away.
I have too many excuses and for this time around...well, see, what happened was...I was eating well, going to the gym everyday like it was my job then that mean ole' gallbladder decided that it was not living in my body any longer. Since then, I have been experimenting on what I can and can't eat...it seems I can eat anything...
I logged on here today for the first time in a long time and I looked at that pic of me with the cute short hair and that body that I was so proud of...I had lost so much and I was feeling good at that point...I want to be there again. I actually felt semi-skinny that day. It is amazing how weight can change your attitude. I have been struggling with this weight I carry (excuse the pun) for a while..I don't even have a lot to lose...29lbs...that is all. I just need to go in this full force and get it done, kind of like when I get my eyebrows waxed..I dread it at first, but after the lady pulls that strip of VERY attached hair off my face I look and feel so much better. Now, losing weight won't happen that quickly unless I can get Jillian Michaels to follow me around all the time, but we all know that is not happening. I have been going to the gym so I will give myself a pat on the back for that, but I have to do more than that right now.
Now...who is going to give me that kick in the butt I need??? Let's do it!!!!
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