I'm on The God Diet

Today I have felt like the devil is trying to attack me. I have been in a low mood and I just could not get out of it. I have been so great during my fast and also since I started my diet again, but the thing is see, I have been doing this for and with God. I pray for strength and guidance and I have become closer to God. I love it! I have told the devil to get out of my way so many times and today he tried to make me mad! I will say for a while it worked because I was not in the best of moods, but then I started talking to my mom and sister about it. They agreed it was the devil so I told him to LEAVE ME ALONE!

Then....God stepped in. He opened me back up and put me back on track.

Today was wonderful besides my mood. I was able to visit with both my grandma's and some more of my family. Memories were created that I will never forget. Love was felt. It was wonderful.

I pray to God. I pray many times during the day and since letting God in my life completely, not just part of the time but ALL THE TIME things have changed including the will power I have now with eating.

Crystal and I were sitting eating dinner and we were talking about all of those diets I have tried that never worked.  She said"But you didn't have God with you then. You are on the God Diet!" I like that and this God diet is going to continue to change my life! He will always provide us with everything we need including a full tummy! He will never leave us not satisfied.

Joel 2:26
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you;  never again will my people be ashamed.

This verse was in my Bible study for fasting today and it really means a lot to me. God knows my heart and He is there to fulfill it. He will continue to give me strength on this weight loss journey and give me the happiness in my heart that I have been searching for. I have been telling people lately about how God is helping me and it feels so good to share that so "The God Diet" is the perfect name! I KNOW this diet will be a success so anyone need a change in their life? This diet will not only change you physically but spiritually also.

THE GOD DIET....thank you God for holding my hand!

54 is MY number...

What? 54?? Huh??? Well, that is MY number TODAY...that number will go down within the coming weeks, but right now it is 54. That is how many pounds I need to lose to get to a healthy weight...my goal weight.

This number may seem big to some, but I'm not afraid of it. I am ready. I am so motivated and, for once, nothing seems to be getting in my way. This is an amazing feeling...a feeling I have never had before. I started a fast on the 9th of January to become closer to God. I cut out sweets, more like convenience store sweets, and soda. I have had a want here and there, but not really a craving for either of these. I remember the day before I started I went to the store coming home with a Diet Root Beer, a candybar and I think even a cake! I was NOT looking forward to taking these things out of my daily routine. Since the 9th I have prayed for strength, read the Bible and I have NOT touched a single sweet or drank a soda at all. I am so happy that God is giving me the strength and I feel closer to Him than ever.

When I started my fast and saw how easy God was getting me through I decided it was time to get back on track again and pray for strength for this journey also. I am doing great! It is, in a sense, hard to believe how motivated I am, but God will never steer you wrong!

I weighed in Wednesday at a whopping 184 lbs and I want to reach 130. I was a bit discouraged when I stepped on the scale knowing that before summer I was at 169, but things happen and there is nothing you can do but look forward. I know 54 seems so long away, but in order to get there I have to make small goals and I am starting with 5lbs and go from there. I plan to continue to exercise at my pace--I don't want to kill myself, and eat what I want, just smaller portions (and I am counting my calories). This will work this time!

It is hard to live life in a body that even yourself can't accept, but in order to fix that problem a change has to be made and no one can do that for you. There are many things I want to change about my appearance...I like who I am on the inside, but what I see in the mirror does not make me happy.

I am tired of feeling the need to cover my stomach with a jacket, pillow, blanket...whatever is near me, when I sit down!

I am tired of putting clothes away in storage because "I just know I will fit back into them someday!"

I am tired of feeling miserable after a meal or feeling guilty when I overindulge!

I am tired of looking at every area of fat on my body every single day before I get in the shower, when I change clothes, when I sit a certain way, when I am next to someone smaller than me!

I am tired of getting angry at my closet!

I am tired of the tears that fall on the days I just feel "ugly".

I am tired of jeans and t-shirts! I want to wear nice clothes and feel pretty..

I am tired of low self-esteem!

I am tired of being tired...both physically and mentally.

I want this change...I want it more than I have ever wanted it before and I know some days will be harder than others, but I also know MY GOD will pull me through those days. I CAN DO THIS! I have no doubt in my mind. It is time to stop putting this off...I am ready to change my number to 0!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13

TOO MUCH WATER???

Set 1 of squats with weights turning at the waist switching sides each time I squat....complete...set 2....complete....set 3....OUCH! OH MY GOSH! I CAN'T WALK!! WHAT THE WORLD???

See, I got to the gym around 6pm and had already had 9 cups of water, working on another one and some coffee so you know what that means...yes, the bathroom and I were pretty close yesterday. It seemed like everytime I sat down I had to go again.

I was so excited to work out! I wanted to get about 45-60 minutes of cardio in, but that was cut short because after about 25 minutes my bladder could not hold it anymore so to the bathroom I go again after just going before I got on the treadmill...and about 4 times at my house after I got home from work at about 5:15! This was getting annoying...really annoying, but I am supposed to stay hydrated, right? Water is good for you, right? Well, I found out the hard way that you CAN drink TOO much water...really, I didn't drink too much, I just drank it within a short amount of time so my body released it quickly and often which diluted my sodium levels quite a bit. Sodium is an important electrolyte that helps regulate the body fluids and we all know electrolytes are important to have when working out. Since I drank so much water so fast releasing all of my electrolytes my cells in my body were acting crazy and caused the cramping that sent me out of the gym quickly.

At least I made it to the gym. Today I am so sore like I worked out for hours so I feel like I did something, but this evening I am going to focus on cardio more to work this soreness out and right now I am drinking a vitamin water to help replenish what I lost yesterday...and I have only had 5 cups of water so hopefully I will be ok. You live and you learn I guess. I'm trying to get healthy and if a little HURT gets me there then I am ok with that!

It has been so long since we talked....

Oh, how it has been so long since I strayed away from the blog that was supposed to give me motivation in my, what seems like, life long journey to get FIT! I hid away for so long until I eventually forgot what I was even doing....or so I wished.

My life with weight loss has resembled a see-saw the past couple years. The dreaded scale just goes up and down, up and down, up and down and finally I just stopped giving in to that elementary playground amusement and said "FORGET IT!" I was so tired of having to live a life I didn't enjoy, which in my world is a life without REAL food!

Over the summer I was exercising more than normal, but I could not seem to even come close to being satisfied with myself, my body...and in the end, my confidence. I came home from Kentucky and stopped working out, stopped eating the way I should because seeing no results became discouraging. Finally I decided to see a doctor since I had gained 13 lbs in about 2-3 months and exercised like Jillian Michaels. All blood work normal...nothing in my life could cause this so what now? Give up? Again? I mean, I am back to the weight I started at a couple years ago...

For a while giving up was the take I had on my life...I had given up on love, given up on marriage, and even given up the dream I have had since a little girl--having children, so why not give up on food? God gave me another option--DON'T GIVE UP! How could I not listen to God? Living my life in gluttony is not what God wants and I have been doing that for quite a while with food.

I pray everyday for strenth and guidance to become a healthier person...it is not easy, but there are lots of things in life we have to fight for. Well, I am fighting again and this time I am fighting like I have never done before...this fight with food will be the Muhammad Ali/Joe Frazier fight...the second time around!

I AM GOING TO DO THIS! There is no doubt in my mind this time...if you stopped working at your job you would get fired, right? Why stop working at health...I'm not ready to expire! With patience and strength from God I will succeed...I know it is hard to have confidence in me right now, but WATCH OUT WORLD CAUSE I'M NOT GIVING UP THIS TIME!!!

God bless and say a prayer for me. :-)

I'm trying hard...well...kind of..

Sometimes things are not as easy as they seem. Trying to eat healthy when you are away from home, working out of a TINY kitchen, and when asked to plan potlucks and group outings at restaurants makes things a little difficult.

See, I LOVE food...I love the good food, the fried food, the sweet food...and lots of it, but I am trying. I have went through counting calories, to going to the Weigh Station and eating only meat and veggies, to eating whatever I wanted (which caused the gallbladder removal), to Weight Watchers, to South Beach, to eating whatever I wanted again, back to Weight Watchers, and now I am counting calories again...I am drained from dieting. I am exercising quite a bit, but the eating just gets to me...I want everything from pizza to ice cream with no veggies inbetween! I know that is awful.

I was telling my friend, Michelle, I need something...I need something to push me to that point that makes me say.."Ok..this is what is going to make me stay on track." I thought the gallbladder would have done that, but nope...then the asthma..but nope...I just love food and I need help. I am so scared I am going to get so big that I will be miserable. I want to be a role model, but with my habits of eating that is not happening until I change it.

There is something I want to do, but I know I have to get myself completely healthy and my body in shape before I can tackle it. I have been taking Zumba classes and recently I have thought, well, maybe I could be an instructor. The Rec Center back home needs some more fun added to it and maybe if I become certified I can help myself while helping others. I think this could be fun, but at the same time I am afraid I will get burnt out on it. And the class to get certified is not cheap so I just need to make sure, but in the meantime I need to get myself together.

In my head I want to try so hard and then I smell fried chicken or cheessecake and that little evil fat guy sitting on my shoulder pulls me to it. How can I knock that guy off? How can I stay focused? How can I stop fighting the food that will continue to make me fat and unhealthy that I love so much? How do people do it? How do they just say "No, I am NOT eating that cake even though my mouth is watering for it?"

Any suggestions? Help please? I want to be completely happy with me and by fighting this bulge around my belly I don't think I can be.

Without God, who are We?

"Truly I've been through the storm and rain, I know everything about heartache and pain, but God carried me through it all, without His protection I'd surely fall. I've been broke without a dime to my name, but all my bills got paid, I know in Jesus name."

I was listening to this song in my car today and I felt the spirit. Sometimes we don't give God the credit He deserves. He is the reason for everything.

Today I have been struggling with life. I try not to ask "Why?" because I know God has a reason for everything. I am blessed in so many way and I take that for granted sometimes, I know I do. When I sit back and think about this I feel selfish. My mind just seems to go in a million directions sometimes and I think about all the things I don't have and get depressed over it. It is not that I want lots of money or material things, but I should still give God more thanks than what I do for the things I do have.

My job: God has blessed me with a job I love so much. Everyday there is a blessing to me. I love the people I work with; they fill my soul with so much joy and I couldn't ask for better people. The Cadets, they make me laugh, they make me feel important...the things my job requires me to do for them may sometimes get overwhelming, but in the end...when they commission and I see the smiles on their faces and their families faces...and when their families thank ME for what I have done for them..Oh my gosh...God, this is one blessing I thank you SO much for! My dad was so happy that I got this job...so happy. He would tell everyone about it and I can still hear him say, "I'm proud of you Sylvie."

My home: I live in a wonderful apartment in a nice neighborhood and my landlord trust me. That is a blessing in itself. She trust me so much that she asked me to be the property manager here. I have had the experience of renting out properties, handling money, and just taking care of things around here. This is a blessing to me, for one, that I am able to help out. She lives far away and can not get here for lots of things so I do what I can. Second, I get the experience of knowing the ins and outs of the rental property business...and most importantly...I have a roof over my head. There are so many people without homes right now due to weather troubles..they may be homeless...or maybe they just don't know their way. God, you have blessed me with a roof over my head and for that I am SO thankful!

Friends and Family: Within my life I have came across many people. Some have come and gone, but those most important to me remain. I don't get out much..I don't really go anywhere or hang out with anyone, but I do have friends who care about me. I have friends and family who love me and would be there for me through any storm if possible. I take this for granted because of the fact that I don't go anywhere or do anything...with them. I stay at home and I make a phone call here and there, but I know I can do more Lord. I am so thankful for the people in my life. So many have wiped tears, been with me through heartache and pain, helped me out when I was about to hit the ground and I am SO thankful for all of them. I pray, Lord, that you help me to put these people in my life more often..to put more smiles on the faces of those I love and to be there more often when I am needed. Thank you so much for those who love me Lord.

Feeling: Lord, sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get lonely. Sometimes I hurt, both physically and mentally. Sometimes I'm so tired I can't hold my eyes open and sometimes I am wide awake due to all the caffeine. Sometimes I am able to feel others pain and I am able to comfort them with kind words or a hug..or sometimes, just a smile. Thank you Lord for giving me feelings...feelings of sadness, happiness, worry, regret...love. Some people don't have this, or they don't care if they have it so they hide it under all of their layers never to show the world. I do..and I show my feelings often and I know that is okay. I thank you for these feelings, Lord. Thank you for my heart, it is so big and I see so much of my dad in my heart Lord. He was such a kind and gentle person and he always expressed feeling...even when he was in the hospital Lord..he said to me, "Sylvie, don't worry about me, I'm going to be alright." He knew I was hurting Lord and he wanted to comfort me. He knew that no matter if he stayed alive or if he died that he was going to be alright because he was in Your arms. I thank you Lord for feeling.

Memory: There are some things in my life that I simply can not remember, no matter how hard I try, there are some things I have blocked out of memory because those are not parts of my life I wish to dwell on, and there are those memories that I hope to never let go. I have memories that make me laugh, memories that make me cry, and memories that make me ponder...I enjoy my memories..With memory I am able to bond with people..share experiences...make people smile. Memory is such an amazing thing to have and this is why I thank you for this..Thank you Lord for memory.

I could go on and on and on for the things I take for granted that the Lord has give me, but I will need to sleep evenutally..haha. God is so amazing. For a long time I always tried to hide God. I thought if someone saw me pray they would think I was wierd or would not want to hang with me. I finally grew and I noticed that those people who serve God are "In it to win it!" as Randy Jackson says on American Idol. I am in it to win it. God has done so many things for me and showed me the way. I was struggling so bad a few years ago and then I decided to pray before I eat even if I was in a restaurant by myself...I decided to tell people who were complaing about how awful their lives were to Trust in God without hesitation..I decided that if I do not live for Him, who am I living for? My dad raised me to love God, to love everyone..to Follow God and let Him lead the way. When I started doing this my life did a 360! I have pushed and pushed and pushed to show people how great He is and sometimes I don't push enough and I start giving myself credit for the things that I could not have done without HIM. I am SO thankful at where I am right now. I know I have more to accomplish, but I know that if I don't let God lead me to those accomplishments they will soon become failures.

So, ask yourself.."Without God, who am I?" You may find yourself falling to your knees asking for forgiveness...I pray this to be so. He is amazing...if you don't believe me, well, try Him out for yourself!

Still pushing on..

Well, it has been over a month since I posted and I have had ups and downs since then. I am still trying to be healthy, but I hit a speed bump unfortunately. Something happened and I wasn't able to breath as well as normal...after some testing the doc seems to think I have developed asthma. This stinks, it really does. It has really put a damper on my exercise routine...it has almost stopped it. I can't go very far or push very hard without feeling like my chest is closed up..I am still trying to do what I can and to eat healthy (most of the time)...every now and again I will have those sweets I love so much!

On another note, I have been irritated with a few things lately and I am trying really hard not to let things get to me, but sometimes that is hard. I just ask for prayer.

In less than 2 weeks I will be heading to Fort Knox, KY to help out with another part of my job and I am ready, besides the packing part. I am ready for reasons that shouldn't be reasons, but I just want to get away. I always tell people they can't walk away from problems, this does not mean they will disappear, but for me, walking away for a bit will help me to analyze things, to figure out if some things can be...I am just happy to be seeing my Fort Knox family, well work partners that feel like family. I will continue to improve my health...I will continue to eat healthy with an occasional Korean meal, a now and then Jailhouse pizza and pickle chips..and I can't go to KY without stopping by the cheesecake factory, but I know more about portion control now...I know more about reading nutrition labels...I know more about exercise, stretching...about being healthy. I have a friend going and we will push one another. I can't wait..